Comedian and political pundit Bill Maher is the originator of “New Rules,” a weekly segment on his HBO show.  Given the current attention to Donald Trump and his most recent verbal mishaps, perhaps Mr. Trump can benefit from new rules.

New Rule: If you are determined to denigrate the appearance of women, then for the next two debates you must present yourself in a Speedo and welcome comments from the audience on your physical appearance.

It is important that a candidate for president be in good physical condition. After all, it is a beauty contest.

New Rule: Someone in the Trump campaign must tell you that your facial expressions are visible to the audience. Next debate when you become frustrated by Clinton attacking you with your own words, try not to deny all the things you have actually said. The fact checkers are paying attention, and your expressions are demonstrating the truth of her words.

New Rule: Do not suggest how kind and civil you are for not attacking Clinton’s husband with 30 year old accusations. If you want to attack Ms. Clinton for being an enabler, just do that. After all, you may still have dozens of women supporting your election, so this should convince them that you are unworthy of their votes too.

New Rule: If you think attacking Clinton for continuing to work though sick with pneumonia, why not just admit you have no idea how many women have learned to work while sick to take care of their families and their careers.

New Rule: If you liked the Russian leader Putin any more, you would push your VP candidate, Mike Pence, off the ticket and replace him with Putin. Since you can’t do that, buy an “I heart Vladimir” button to wear to the next debate.

New Rule: Suggesting China nuke North Korea may not have been your best idea yet. So if you must talk about foreign policy, stick to things you know, like your other great idea that the U.S. will only honor its NATO alliance obligations if other nations pay protection money. You know, like the Mob did.

New Rule: When Clinton repeats one of your fact free statements in debate, talk about the weather, the stock markets, or your favorite movie. Clearly you can be baited by a tweet, a word, a smile, or a burp, but doubling down on obvious lies just makes fact checking jobs lifetime careers.

New Rule: Stop being a whiny little baby. Your problems at the debate were not Lester Holt or your Mic or Hillary not being nice to you. Your problems were Donald Trump.

New Rule: Man up. You led the Birther insanity for five years, claiming the first African American president was not legitimate. That was a racist attack and frames your issues with minorities that extend into this campaign.

New Rule: Next time you claim how smart you are for not paying taxes, know that the rest of us, who do pay taxes, are not impressed. We actually think guys who claim to be very, very rich should pay their share of taxes for our schools, our highways and our national defense.

New Rule: Accept responsibility. Your campaign staff did not cause your debate collapse, you did. You can fire them, but you will still be Donald Trump, fact free and as petulant as an angry six year old.

Finally, New Rule: Try talking about the ideas that fuel your candidacy. Wouldn’t that be a refreshing approach to the next two debates?

 

Jim Crawford is a retired educator and political enthusiast living here in the Tri-State.