With the election just a few days away, it made me wonder what would happen if politics tried to take over football.

I kin just see the politicians fightin’ over what lobby group would git its way. Here are the rules for pro football is they fell under different political structures:

SOCIALIST FOOTBALL: After you score, the state takes half your points and redistributes them to the opposing team.

COMMUNIST FOOTBALL: After you score, the state takes away all your points and gives you back what the Central bureau of Points designates as appropriate (according to your needs).

FASCIST FOOTBALL: After you score, the state takes away all your points and sells them back to you.

NAZI FOOTBALL: After you score, the state takes away all your points and shoots your team.

BUREAUCRATIC FOOTBALL: After you score, a tax of 80 percent will be imposed on the points. The breakdown of the tax has 10 percent of your points will be given to the scoring disadvantaged, 10 percent of the points will be given to the opposing team as an incentive “not to score,” while 60 percent of the points will be used by the state for administration.

CAPITALISTIC FOOTBALL: The Super Bowl — winner takes all.

I think the vote should go to that last one.

Ennywho, last week I wuz a sizzlin’ 16-2 to bring the season record to 119-42. I can’t believe the last week is here, so good luck to all playoff teams. It’s been a great season as always.

Raceland at Ironton: The Rams offense has variety. The Ironton offense has redundancy. I likes a repetitive nature. Ironton 35, Raceland 32.

Rock Hill at Coal Grove: Hornets should be a heavy favorite, but these two teams just don’t like each other. Don’t bother playin’ them the song “All You Need Is Love.” They won’t listen. Coal Grove 34, Rock Hill 20.

Waverly at Chesapeake: Both these teams like to run. Sounds like they ought to be singin’ Da do run run run, da do run run. Waverly 28, Chesapeake 24.

South Point at Fairland: I wants to pick this as the upset special, but my coin landed on its side. Fairland 21, South Point 17.

Symmes Valley vs. Danville: Neutral site won’t leave the Vikings in neutral gear. They is runnin’ hard. Symmes Valley 21, Danville 18.

Oak Hill over Green: Oaks are hopin’ and a clingin’ to their playoff hopes. Oak Hill 42, Green 14.

OTHERS: Wheelersburg over Portsmouth West; Portsmouth over Cincinnati Hughes; Lucasville Valley over Minford; Pikeville over Russell; River Valley over Northwest; Amanda Clearcreek over Circleville; Jackson over Gallipolis; Marion Harding over Col. St. Charles; Meigs over Alexander.

 

Gridiron Goober is a self-proclaimed high school football expert who shares his vast knowledge and picks each week, all while offering a humorous take on the world of sports.