• 64°

Reporter can#8217;t seem to get rescue story right

I wuz readin’ a story in another paper that didn’t end the way I thunk it would.

Seems two boys wuz playin’ football in the park in Columbus when a rottweiler dog attacked one boy. The other boy broke off a plank of wood from a fence, put it in the dog’s collar, turned in and broke the dog’s neck.

A reporter wuz watchin’ and went fer an interview. He started to write outloud, “Buckeye fan saves friend’s life from vicious dog.”

The boy said, “I’m not a Buckeye fan.” So the reporter began, “Browns fan rescues friend from terrible attack.”

“No, I’m not a Browns fan.” And the reporter begins again, “Okay, Bengals fan helps friend escape killer dog.”

“Sir, I’m not a Bengals fan either.” So the reporter asks, “Who do you root for?” And the young boy said, “Michigan.”

So the reporter began his story one final time, “Unruly bad boy kills best friend’s family pet.”

I’ll bet his pet wolverine sleeps in his bed, too.

Ennywho, last week I wuz 12-6 to make me 52-22 on the season. We’re at the halfway mark.

Ironton at Chillicothe: Ironton’s running game just might have one of those “Knights.” Ironton 28, Chillicothe 24.

Ports. East at Coal Grove: Tartans won’t like hangin’ with Mr. (Matt) Cooper. Coal Grove 42, East 6.

Rock Hill at Wellston: Elton John wasn’t singin’ about the Redmen at the time, but I think they’re rocket men. Rock Hill 27, Wellston 19.

Mount View at South Point: With all their injuries, the Pointers are doin’ their version of a M*A*S*H unit. Mount View 26, South Point 21.

Chesapeake at Tolsia: After last week, I is so tempted to make this here my upset special. But this one is on the road, so … Tolsia 22, Chesapeake 20.

Symmes Valley at Northwest: I don’t want to say these teams are young, but they is usin’ babysitters instead of deputy sheriffs. Symmes Valley 26, Northwest 18.

Fairland at Meigs: Both these team understand English. Meigs 36, Fairland 31.

Burch at Green: Oak is good, I like poplar, and even pine will work, but Burch? Green 24, Burch 16.

St. Clairsville at Wheelersburg: Maybe since it’s such a long ride the Red Devils will have jet lag. St. Clairsville 22, Wheelersburg 21.

Others: Portsmouth over Jackson, Waverly over Portsmouth West, Minford over Vinton County, Lucasville Valley over Oak Hill, Pikeville over River Valley, Gallipolis over Logan, Marietta over Athens, Zanesville over Warren, Parkersburg Catholic over Portsmouth Notre Dame.