Festival of the Foothills.

Yelp, that's what we calls this two-day affair we has back at muh college, Podunk University.

Sees, I told the folks at Ohio University Southern 'bout what we did at good ol' P.U. and they copied it. They is havin' what they calls Festival of the Hills this weekend.

They has some real good food, music, rides, crafts, and exhibits at OUSC, but they don't compares to our festival.

The food we have is really good and cheap. Not only is road kill en vogue, steamin' a possum over a boilin' radiator gives the food a unique flavor ya can't match ennywhere.

The kids love the rides, especially the washin' machine. We puts a kid inside and turns the button to spin dry. The only drawback is some of the kids git sick,if ya knows what I means.

We had a dunkin' booth that weren't goin' very well until we filled it with moonshine. Now we gots so many guys who wants to sit on the booth they is payin' fer the chance.

The only thing they don't likes is when we run out of baseballs and we let's contestants throw empty bottles. Thank goodness fer the protective screen.

If you folks at OUSC is interested, just give me a call.

Ennywhoo, last week wuz another good week at 13-2 mark to bring the record to 41-8 (.837 percentage). Do ya think I kin be that good three weeks in a row? Yeah, that wuz kind of a dumb question. Oh well, let's try ennyway:

Ironton at Portsmouth: When this one is over, the Trojans won't Felts so good. Ironton 24, Portsmouth 21.

Rock Hill at Portsmouth West: Sin-a-tors receiver Jeremiah Lens will focus in on the end zone. West 32, Rock Hill 26.

Coal Grove at Vinton County: Dan Cordle wuz the difference last year. Let's do it agin. Coal Grove 10, Vinton County 6.

Mt. Hope, W.Va. at South Point: Ya sure the Pointers ain't playin' Mt. Hope-less. South Point 22, Mt. Hope 14.

Waverly at Chesapeake: The Tigers done switched from passin' to the Wing-T. I guess they figures they kin fly past opponents. Wverly 27, Chesapeake 21.

Fairland at Tolsia: Some real strange things happens down Fort Gay way. Tolsia 14, Fairland 12.

South Gallia at Symmes Valley: The Vikings meet the Rebels without a chance. Symmes Valley 32, South Gallis 6.

Miami Trace at Wheelersburg: There's no truth to the rumor Wheelersburg planned to give its half of split the pot to Trace alum Art Schlichter. He'd just loose it bettin' on MT. Wheelersburg 28, Miami Trace 19.

Others: Lawrence County over Ashland, Gallipolis over Pt. Pleasant, River Valley over Alexander, Lucasville Valley over Northwest, Wellston over Oak Hill, Minford over Nelsonville-York, Trimble over Ports. Notre Dame, Sciotoville East over Dayton Jefferson, Bedrock over Russell. Jim Walker/The Ironton Tribune