I

has to let ya in on some secret informashun I picked up at the Iraq K of C.

Prezadent Bush and Osama bin Laden decided to settle the war once and fer all. They sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's

dog won would be entitled to dominate the world.

Osama found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and bred them with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from the litter and removed his siblings to gave him all the milk. After five years, they came up with the biggest, meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were 5-inches thick and nobody could get near it.

When the day came for the dog fight, Bush showed up with a strange looking animal. It was a 9-foot long Dachshund.

Everyone felt sorry for Bush because there was no way that this dog could possibly last 10 minutes with the Afghanistani dog. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of its cage, and slowly waddled over towards Osama's dog.

Osama's dog gnarled and leaped out of its cage and charged the American Dachshund, but when it got close enough to bite, the Dachshund opened its mouth and consumed Osama's dog in one bite. There was nothing left of his dog.

Osama came up to Bush, shaking his head in disbelief, &#8220We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves.”

&#8220That's nothing,” said Bush. &#8220We had Michael Jackson's plastic surgeons working for five years to make that alligator look like a weiner dog.”

Woof.

Ennywhooo, I wuz 10-1 last week to bring the season mark to 83-21 (.798 percentage). I is hopin' fer a strong finish these last two weeks.

Ironton at Belfry: If these two teams are mirror images, one is gonna break and cause four quarters of bad luck. Lucky fer … Ironton 21, Belfry 18.

Coal Grove at South Point: I don't know what kind of fuel that Hyland kid uses, but the Hornets is gittin' their mileage worth. Coal Grove 28, South Point 20.

Rock Hill at Chesapeake: They say the OVC goes through Chesapeake. Unless they takes the bypass. Chesapeake 28, Rock Hill 25.

River Valley at Fairland: Without &#8220Love” in their hearts, the Dragons could git mean. Fairland 40, River Valley 6.

East at Symmes Valley: This one will come down to a last-minute conversion. Symmes Valley 21, East 20.

Green at Oak Hill: Timber! Green 36, Oak Hill 18.

Ports. West at Wheelersburg: I would say this one is fer the whole enchilada, but then I hates Mexican food. Wheelersburg 20, West 19.

Others: Portsmouth over Minford, Lucasville Valley over Ports. Notre Dame, Waverly over Northwest, Ashland over Johnson Central, Tweety Bird over Russell.