Hoooow-deeee! I is back fer yet another season of pickin' and a grinnin'. I'll be a pickin and I hopes you is a grinnin'.

One thing I can't understand is the French and their obsession to accuse Lance Armstrong of dopin' charges. Maybe that's all they gots to do since they lost the Olympic vote when England got the bid as the toothless beat the spineless.

Sees, the French claim Armstrong tested positive fer illegal drugs in his urine specimen. The thing is, the urine specimen was taken in 1999.

Now, how'd you like to be the guy in charge of his urine sample fer six years? I kin see the ad in the newspaper. Wanted: Pee Keeper. Must have own rubber gloves but we will supply the illegal drugs to put in urine cups. Bring a lunch and expect long lines.

Gives a whole new meanin' to those giant sponge hands that proclaim "We're number one."

No wonder the French always say, "Wee wee."

Enny who, the first week is the toughest cause I ain't got no clue what ennybody kin do. Welp, here goes my scientific picks. Now, where did I put that quarter?

Wheelersburg at Ironton:

Welp, it's the same old "Storey." Two powers, tough opener, big game. The question is, will this story have the same endin'? Ironton 13, Wheelersburg 10.

Piketon at Coal Grove:

A couple of contenders in their respective leagues, I'll go with the local league. Coal Grove 19, Piketon 12.

Rock Hill at Tolsia:

When ya crosses the bridge and hits old Route 52, make sure nothing on old 52 hits ya back. They is crazy drivers down there. Rock Hill 22, Tolsia 18.

South Point at Vinton County:

This looks to be one passing game against another. Don't worry, I ain't gonna pass on pickin' this one. South Point 26, Vinton County 24.

Portsmouth at Chesapeake:

Speakin' of passing games, the Panthers kin throw but not like the Trojans. I is very tempted to go fer the upset here, but it's too early in the season. Portsmouth 20, Chesapeake 16.

Symmes Valley at Huntington Ross:

The Huntsmen is the favorites in this one, but that's only cause the hometown bookie is settin' the line. Symmes Valley 14, Hunt. Ross 12.

Fairland at Portsmouth West:

I says the Pendleton swings the wrong way fer the Dragons. West 22, Fairland 20.

Green at Southern: Look fer the Bobcats to go racin' to Racine fer an opening day win. Green 15, Southern 8.

Other games:

Valley over Waverly, Portsmouth East over Northwest, Portsmouth Notre Dame over Harts, Minford over Oak Hill, Bert & Ernie over Russell (actually, it's Russell over Greenup).