I hears weddin' bells, but they ain't mine. They belongs to my rich, old uncle.

Sees, he's 95 years old and he's marryin' some young thing who is only 24. My mom said, "This whole weddin' is ridiculous. What kind of a weddin' is this goin' to be."

I told her, "I know what kind of weddin' this is. We has a name fer it in the sports world."

My mom asked, "What's that?"

I said, "We call it a football weddin'."

She asked, "What is a football weddin'?"

I told my mom, "She's waitin' fer him to kick off!"

I wonder if I should git him some heart pills fer a weddin' gift?

Oh well, here's this week's quiz:

Q. How do ya git a Michigan honors graduate off yer porch?

A. Pay him fer the pizza.

Ennywho, last week I wuz a dismal (fer me) 9-3 to bring the season record to 81-16 (.835 percentage). The season is windin' down, so let' see if we kin improve that mark.

Ironton at Portsmouth: Now this is what ya call a rivalry. Ironton 21, Portsmouth 17.

Coal Grove at Chesapeake: They says defense is the key here. I says look out fer the offenses. Chesapeake 27, Coal Grove 22.

Fairland at Rock Hill: The Dragons make more passes in one game than Bill Clinton does on a Saturday night. Fairland 42, Rock Hill 38.

South Point at River Valley: The good thing 'bout playin' at River Valley this year is ya don't have to go back next year. River Valley 14, South Point 12.

Symmes Valley at Ports. Notre Dame: This Saturday night will be special for the Vikings. Symmes Valley 32, Notre Dame 20.

Portsmouth East at Green: A Tartan is a Scottish plaid fabric. Now that's a mascot that strikes fear in the opposition. East 26, Green 14.

Northwest at Wheelersburg:

Since Larry Hall used to coach at Wheelersburg, maybe the Pirates will show a little extra mercy. Wheelersburg 42, Northwest 0.

Others: Portsmouth West over Minford, Lucasville Valley over Oak Hill; Greenfield McClain over Waverly, Gallipolis over Warren, Ashland over Lawrence County, Boyd County over Greenup County.